The Litmus Test

Today is the day... where the rubber meets the road.  I'm moving in with Scott for 8 days over the Christmas season.  The extended Gerbode clan arrives in droves on Adler Ct. and will inhabit my cottage for this extended time.

This is where we learn the truth about Scott and Wendy.  Exactly how much do they like each other?  I'm hopeful it will turn out as well as our initial first date, the one that lasted 4 days. Feeling a little uneasy about it all as at the moment, I really like him.

Holiday guessing game

LET'S PLAY A GAME!  

But for this, you need some history.  I had sperm donor.  He's a nice enough man as far as I know - I've spent little time with him.  My guess?  Somewhere to the tune of 50 days out of the 15,082 making up my lifetime (as of the date of this post.)  Even more estranged... the Grandparents and other members of his family.  The quality time I've spent with his extended family is somewhere around 20-25 days of my 15,082.  In the latter half of my life (approximately the last 7,540 days) I've seen a few of the peeps about 3 times.  

So now you have those details, here's the challenge:

I got a Christmas card from the grandparents.  It was a lovely colorful card with the word "Peace" on the front - very swanky.  Inside, the following words were hand-written:

"We drew names again, and you drew Caden.  Amber and Rick's 5-year-old.  He's a darling, smart young man.  He goes to an academy school for free.  He's doing real well.  Email is (amber@fortheirprivacy.com) if you wish to ask Amber some more details about him.  When you are through, please send it to us at (grandma@fortheirprivacy.com) this next week.  We're going to put everything together then."

Okay - WTF?  I emailed for clarification.  Turns out, they didn't want me to send a gift.  Nope.  What they are looking at me to do is write a personal note about this 5-year-old for the family to read out loud on Christmas day.

So let's start a game.  What do you think I did?  Here are your 3 choices.  Please weigh in with your best guess.

Option A:  I followed the instruction and wrote and submitted the following piece:  "Caden, YOU are the most spectacular 5-year-old ever.  You bring such joy to my life, just knowing you exist.  I marvel at your genius mind, and the determination and persistence it must take to rise above all the other 5-year-olds at your private academy.  Your mom, Amber adores you and everyone finds you nothing less than charming.  Merry Christmas, my very special.... relative (of some sort) xoxo Wendy"

Option B:  Instead of writing, I sent the child a gift via the Mormon grandparents.  I bought him a book called "Holiday Elixirs" so in 16 years, he'll know what kind of seasonal adult beverages to shake up for the guests.  

Option C:  I sent my grandmother this email:  "Hi Grandma.  Um... strange to do this since I have never met the child, and as far as I know, I've never met the child's parents either.  I don't even know who this child's grandparents are.  The only connection I have to any of them is at some point one of their mom's mom's mom came from you (or was it dad's dad's dad - I don't know).  Writing something personal about someone I've never met seems inappropriate.  I don't mean to be difficult, but if you can provide me with someone I've met, I'd be happy to write about them.  Happy holidays."

Staycations - how boring are you?

"Staycation"   Somewhere around 2008 this snappy new word came into vogue, created after the rise of gas prices and the descent of our economy. The word was coined for those who think travel is too expensive, advocating that the best vacations can be found in one's own backyard. Let's eradicate this word from our vocabulary, shall we? I propose that this word show up for its final time - ever - in this very blog.

Face it, America, how much fun is it spending a four-night getaway in that same queen-sized bed with a mattress you've been meaning to replace for the past 15 years? Sex with your partner is amazing on vacation, so I challenge you to close your eyes and pretend.  See if you can have that very same naughty, anonymous feeling you get in a hotel or cottage away, on a bed as comfortable as the Westin's trademarked "Heavenly Bed."

How's the view when you look out your windows in your staycation getaway? The grass still needs to be mowed, the fence needs painting, and those same annoying neighbor kids are causing a ruckus too early in the morning.

How are your accommodations? The hotel housekeepers haven't come by to dust, empty the trash or turn down your Heavenly Bed. What happened to the pillowtop, 600-thread-count sheets, and plush, oversized bath towels? Do you have access to the pool, spa and four-star restaurant? What time is room service coming?

Activities? A trip to Sam's Club always feels like a getaway. Cleaning the garage is invigorating! And if you really want to be swept away, head on down to the local theater for the latest blockbuster! Wow! Days you'll be reliving and telling your friends about for years to come.

Come on people - you work hard, and for what? Without the breaks away you have no inspiration, fresh points of view or relaxation. Travel and adventure give us a bigger world and a bigger life for ourselves.

When we stop spending money on tourism, personal services and other life enhancements, it stops the flow of money in our American economy. So now that you've read my rant, open up another browser window now, and go to www.StaySonoma.com to book your weekend away. You need a break! Drink wine, get massages, be captured by breathtaking views, have frolicking, mind-blowing sex in a private retreat, and return to your life renewed!

Elvis Costello - Hardly Strictly Bluegrass

Amazing two days in Golden Gate Park this weekend seeing some of the best performers of this time.  Weather, beautiful.  Crowd, manageable.  Company, delightful.  Eloise, happy.  Who could ask for anything more?  Me!  

Beyond wanting Elvis to leave Diana for ME - I have one more request.  Could we (I say "we" as in the people) STOP reserving spots we have no intention of using?  What's the rule here?  There were big, empty blankets all over the place in the most prime real estate and we all scrunched around a postage stamp piece of dirt not to encroach on these abandoned blankets tossed to and fro.  Let's all align on this - five minutes away from a blanket in a concert area or public place and it becomes eminent domain.  You with me on this?  

We did have beautiful, clear-view, comfy spots in front of Richard Thompson and Elvis Costello and a woodsy fun setting for Dave Alvin and for that, I am eternally grateful.  Here are some photos!

Growing Up Hildebrand

Three clearly established facts learned at a tender age:

1.  Want to be the topic of discussion?  Just leave the room.

2.  Being a Hildebrand means never having to say you're sorry.

3.  Family reunion = family fight.  

Here's a Hildebrand puzzle.  

What do the following items have in common?

Wooden Spoon

Belt

Shoe

Yard Stick